The I U Don't

I recently fainted, as you can read about here: (Of Blood and Butterflies) 

It was scary and seemingly random. 

I tried to think of any other time I could have passed out like that, and I managed to remember one specific incident.

I didn't count this because it wasn't entirely random.  It could have been from a lot of things. 

The whole situation was kind of stupid. 

About four years ago, I was having some serious issues with heavy bleeding forever until signs of anemia. 

Different pills did nothing.  I had already been on the patch for twelve years and it had been amazing for alleviating the intense cramps I had been having. 

They even kept me out of school sometimes as a kid, which is why I was put on the patch so young.


So, it was a little heart breaking when I started having those other, new problems, and needed to try something new. 

Even more upsetting was that a bazillion different pills did nothing. 

My options were then surgery or getting an IUD.  


Clearly, one option seemed a little nicer than the other.

Since the worst case scenarios involving the IUD were pretty much an infection that would happen really early on, if at all, and then it would need to be removed, and/or being unable to get pregnant even after it is removed.  

Because I had already made the choice to adopt if I ever have children at all, this was not a huge downside for me. 

*Cue an uproar of a lot of horrible things people automatically say to me when they hear that, as though my decision to not have children somehow directly affects whether or not THEY can have kids.  …* 

You know what?  My body, my family history, my over populated planet, my choice.

I just want to state here, I'm totally all for other people having babies.  It is a beautiful thing.  It really is. 

For you. 

Not my thing. 

Also, after FOUR YEARS of having the IUD, NOW I'm getting random people saying, "Oh my god!!  Didn't you know there are RISKS??  OH MY GOD YOU COULD BE DEAD RIGHT NOW." 

Right. 

You know, I got this same speech from people seeing lawsuits concerning the very things my doctor had warned me about when I was on the patch too, and again, YEARS after it would have affected me. 
 

Chill the Hell out. 

*ahem*

In any case, there was a little issue because since I hadn't had a child before and since I wasn't married, even though the other option was an invasive surgery, it was going to be a big pain in the ass to convince the gynecologist's office to give me an IUD. 

…

Even though she was the one to suggest it.

The way around it?  Simple!  Have my now ex-boyfriend come in, say we're engaged, and basically give the O.K. for me to have it.

Right.

In this day and age, MY doctor needed a MAN'S permission to do something to MY body to possibly prevent MY BODY getting pregnant. 

WHAT??

The main thing here is that I needed it to not die of something else, so this shouldn't have even been a question. 

For the record, this thankfully didn't end in a lawsuit, but for fuck's sake, it could have.

Also for the record, my current gynecologist from this same office is amazing and very kind and intelligent. 

A lot of the nurse practitioners are too.  I just had some bad luck for a bit.

In any case, once it was all decided that I was going to have this, no one mentioned the real reason why they are iffy about a woman who hasn't given birth having an IUD placed.

The reason I was given was that it could make me infertile and I'd never have the beautiful experience of having a screaming, shit covered animal rip from my loins. 

And really?  I don't hate children.  I don't know what to do with infants… but I like kids a lot once they hit like three years old. 

Until then, I don't know what to do when I'm near an infant.
 

I don't find them cute.

They scare me, actually.

Anyway, the REAL reason it's iffy is because if you haven't had a baby, getting an IUD implanted can be excruciating. 

That would have been nice to know.

I even had an anti anxiety prescribed to relax me for the procedure, but no pain pill was ever offered. 

Fun fact, the anti anxiety did nothing.


I blamed it for fainting later though. 

See, I was still super tense during the procedure. 

I tried to meditate through it, but the nurse practitioner's assistant kept thinking I was passing out (Hahahaha) and kept SCREAMING AT ME to make sure I was awake.

So, you know, that sucked.

After the fact, I got dressed, left the room, and the last thing I saw was a different nurse practitioner who is often really mean, looking at me with the most concerned face I've ever seen. 

Then everything went black. 

I blamed the anti-anxiety finally kicking in, and the stress, and a general drop in blood pressure.  This could all still be accurate. 

I remember Dad's car, and the couch at my parent's place. 

Then I remember the car again, and demanding to be taken the hour and a half back to school.

Here's the fun part.

My body didn't really know what to do with it. 

Contractions happened.

Sort of ironically, this made me really not want to ever have biological children even more than I already did not want to go through that process. 

At school, I was just in time for team trivia.  By the way, I remember this and ask myself, "Where was my boyfriend?" 

There are many reasons that relationship did not work out.  

Anyway, I answered a lot of questions, and I answered them correctly, but they came out kind of… 

We managed to actually win too. 

So, okay.  I've fainted before. 

Hmm.



Guess I'll keep that in mind?