Adventures in Fabric: Bottoms Up!

Okay, so it's true that I do sew, and I like creating stuffed animals and I do occasionally attempt altering clothing.  
Soon, I'll be attempting a dress from a pattern.  

This is scary.

So, in the meantime, I'm showing you other successes and failures in my wardrobe!  Yay!

To begin with, PANTS.

First, we have a pair which I had loved to death.  GIANT holes in the knees of these ultra comfy pants upset me.  They were also covered in paint, which happens to everything I own.  

For a while, I was wearing pajama pants underneath them, but they'd bunch up and be a pain to get on and off.  

I decided to just cut the Hell out of the pajamas and sew them underneath to the pants themselves as patches from the inside: 

 

Then (and a little before) I used fabric paint to make a bloody horror look, like someone had sliced off my knee caps.  

Next up is a pair that fit me reasonably well, were cheap, and I was bored...

So I sliced them up on purpose, added the fabric paint from both sides as "blood" and stitched them back together with thick, black thread.  Zombie pants! 

 A better look:

 The back:

Finally (as far as "horror pants" go), there were pants on sale that were normally pretty expensive ONLY because they came with pre-made holes.  I determined that there would be no reason for such holes unless they were bullet wounds, so this occurred:

 Really finally, the Bat-Pants.  These pants were also well loved and full of holes achieved in battle, and the patches are just cut outs from really soft men's underwear.  I had bought them for a boyfriend who didn't want to entertain me by wearing them, so I repurposed them:  

I have too much time on my hands! 

Weeeee!  

Wishy Washy Dishwasher

Our dishwasher was wonky and poorly placed when we moved in.  

This was our sad dishwasher:    

I had to hip check the damn thing to close it.  I had bruises.  

This was either because there was no slab of wood beneath it, and so it drooped into the empty space, OR it was too big and so they removed the slab of wood.
Either way, without that wood there, there was that GIANT, dusty, grimy, GROSS EW EW EW empty space for bugs and monsters and all sorts of things to hide:
 

(For the record, cleaning up, getting organized, spraying the Hell out of everything and caulking up the place relieved our squatter-roommate-cockroach problem.  They were coming up from a lower apartment and now they fear us.  :-D) 

Because it was off kilter, the dishwasher would take a while to right itself on the inside and would make horrible noises while it struggled. 

I was previously unaware of the noises, as I normally have headphones on while I play stupid games:

 

But this time I was headphoneless AND it happened to also vibrate the ground:

So, my totally sane response was:
 

I called my sponsor friend Dani to explain that I was about to fall through to the first floor and die. 
 
It was then that Dani and I determined that the dishwasher is, in fact, a dragon.  Dani then drew this to express what the dishwasher was trying to articulate:
 

Another fun fact is that when the dishwasher is running, nothing else can be.  It's not that nothing else will turn on, so much as that if you want to say… put something in the microwave…

 

All the lights go off.  Power goes out.  Total darkness besides, for whatever reason, the clock on the coffee maker.  

This is particularly problematic now that we've set up the office (read: has a lot of shit plugged in) in the room with one outlet that is, for WHATEVER REASON shared with the kitchen. 

Then the biggest bedroom has three outlets, one of which is almost to the ceiling. 
 

…We have high ceilings. 
(And wall nipples.  What are they?  Were they something before?  There are two of them in the bedroom.  …I don't?  Wat?) 

I don't even understand. 

There are bullshitilly placed outlets in the living room too:

 

That's above the TV, if you can tell.  ...Basically ceiling. 

Also: 

Next to the radiator.  Does that seem completely unsafe to anyone else?

Anyway, my Knight got down on the floor and fixed the dishwasher issue.

He also fixed the tile:

 

So now that one rebellious tile actually looks nicer than any of the crap around it:

 

We just rent here, so screw making the entire thing all nice and shiny. 

I may still turn the dishwasher into a dragon (with completely removable parts, of course) much the same way I turned a toilet into a creature once.  
(See: Showers, Baths, and Referring to Poop Too Many Times) 

If I do, you internet cats will be the first to know. 

Meat Sauce

So, my mother is like an escaped Disney Princess.  She really is.  Everything she says and does and how she looks and sounds... Yep.

...And then I see this:

This looks like something you'd find in a serial killer's fridge.

"Lazagha"  I think that's supposed to be lasagna. 


I should film a horror movie and just call it "Lazagha" and not say why.


...



This is what gave birth to me.  


...


and I just-