Rowyn Answers: 3

This one has been sitting in my inbox for a long time.  Sorry about that! 


Andrea asks:

Hi!  I love your blog!  You said you'll answer pretty much anything (including on not art stuff) so here goes.
My husband and I recently got married (finally) after dating for eight years (since high school) and I'm super happy about that.  The thing is that we have nothing in common.  I'm more active and into sports, he likes movies and video games and so on.  We have a lot in common on an intellectual level, so we talk a lot, and we have no problems in the bedroom. ;-)  But I'm worried we'll run out of things to talk about if we don't do stuff together.  Any suggestions?

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Rowyn Answers:

Hello!  First of all, it's great that you two can talk to each other.  That is usually step one, as this means you can possibly compromise too.  Sometimes, maybe he can try something a little more active, and maybe some day you'll sit and cuddle for a movie.  That being said, you two certainly don't have to compromise. 


Here's what you can do:

Step 1: Sit down together and each make up a list of things neither of you have done, and want to do.

Step 2: Add things you've never thought of doing for one reason or another.  This one is harder, but the other can make suggestions by stating things he or she has done before.

Step 3: Find brochures for museums, tourist traps in your area, places  you could go together, classes you could take together…  Everything and anything. 

Step 4: Narrow it down.  Cross off anything the other absolutely will not do.   Leave all maybes.

Step 5: Categorize.  Rewrite some under an "Adventurous" category, like going some place new.  Some can go under "Culture" like a museum or a show.  Others can go under "Cozy" for a puzzle together, since not everything has to be so out there.  Some things can be close to home and peaceful.  You two can make your own categories together.  This will not only help sort things out while doing an activity together, but it will help you and your partner see how the other views certain activities.



Cooking or reorganizing together could also act as a way to restate the fact that you two are partners and each not only get a say, but care about what the other wants. 

Remember:  You two are not going through some kind of crisis.  Not every idea needs to be brand new and adventurous.  Some more routine events can still be sweet and fun. 

You've made it this far, and there is no reason not to keep finding new joys together.  Also, remember that just spending time together and talking is still something shared together.  I hope this activity helps! 



EDIT:  After answering a friend's question, we found that lists can also help with another kind of relationship- the one you have with yourself.  

Lists! 
-A list of things you've done (which often requires a friend to remind of some)
-A list of things you currently do (fun or "successes")
-A list of things you WANT to do or learn. 
 ---Next, you write up what can be done right now, and you pick one. 
 Then you do that thing. 
 It doesn't have to be anything big, but crossing things off a list can feel very good and helps you see what you can do.  Making the lists to begin with can help reorganize your thoughts and see what you might be interested in doing. 



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