Stress in the Family

Stress is a common factor in my life.  It just is.  It's so common that I tend to flip out even more when things are going smoothly, because that isn't what I'm used to.

Stress is a family trait.  

However, how we deal with that stress has some different variation to it...  

Though most of our ways of handling stress end with us curled up in a little ball on our beds.  I've noticed that pattern. 

When my mother is stressed, she goes into denial: 

And then goes to sleep until the problem goes away.

When my father is stressed...
 Sometimes he handles it really well:

Other times, he turns into an ogre:

Makes unintelligible noises:  

And eventually goes to sulk in the bedroom.

Then there is my sister. 

When she is stressed:

When I'm stressed: 

...

Well, you probably know about that by now.  


Also, migraines run in the family, partly, I'm sure, because stresssss runs in the family.  

Like the other stress-bed responses, when I have a migraine, I generally go to bed, hydrate, take a pain killer, and cry a lot until it stops.  

But, that was before Rob.  

My Knight in Pinstripes is relentlessly...

Himself. 


See, me having a migraine was a problem.  

And Rob?  He fixes problems.

He fixes problems whether you like it or not.

So, first thing was first.  

My Halloween mug was presented to me filled with filtered water and along with that came a pain killer:

He read to me.  

Can we just process that?  

Rob freaking read to me.  Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, specifically.  Not even a full chapter in, I was happy.  

Even though my head felt like it was trying to both implode and explode, I felt loved, and that was helpful. 


Next, I mentioned, briefly, that I was cold.  

SUDDENLY THERE WAS MY FUZZY ROBE.

Again, I was pleased.  I felt like an asshole though, because I didn't know what to do with someone really actively taking care of me as an adult, let alone who wasn't my mom or something.  

Still, it was nice.

We cuddled on the sectional couch:

Once light didn't make me want to rip out my eyes, we watched the animated Disney Alice (well, half of it)

And I was pleased to be nestled until I was sleepy and pain free between Rob and my sandworm.  

(There are pictures of the real thing in Birthday Bashing)


All things said and done, it was a MUCH better experience than just being comforted by a pillow.  

Rowyn Answers: 3

This one has been sitting in my inbox for a long time.  Sorry about that! 


Andrea asks:

Hi!  I love your blog!  You said you'll answer pretty much anything (including on not art stuff) so here goes.
My husband and I recently got married (finally) after dating for eight years (since high school) and I'm super happy about that.  The thing is that we have nothing in common.  I'm more active and into sports, he likes movies and video games and so on.  We have a lot in common on an intellectual level, so we talk a lot, and we have no problems in the bedroom. ;-)  But I'm worried we'll run out of things to talk about if we don't do stuff together.  Any suggestions?

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Rowyn Answers:

Hello!  First of all, it's great that you two can talk to each other.  That is usually step one, as this means you can possibly compromise too.  Sometimes, maybe he can try something a little more active, and maybe some day you'll sit and cuddle for a movie.  That being said, you two certainly don't have to compromise. 


Here's what you can do:

Step 1: Sit down together and each make up a list of things neither of you have done, and want to do.

Step 2: Add things you've never thought of doing for one reason or another.  This one is harder, but the other can make suggestions by stating things he or she has done before.

Step 3: Find brochures for museums, tourist traps in your area, places  you could go together, classes you could take together…  Everything and anything. 

Step 4: Narrow it down.  Cross off anything the other absolutely will not do.   Leave all maybes.

Step 5: Categorize.  Rewrite some under an "Adventurous" category, like going some place new.  Some can go under "Culture" like a museum or a show.  Others can go under "Cozy" for a puzzle together, since not everything has to be so out there.  Some things can be close to home and peaceful.  You two can make your own categories together.  This will not only help sort things out while doing an activity together, but it will help you and your partner see how the other views certain activities.



Cooking or reorganizing together could also act as a way to restate the fact that you two are partners and each not only get a say, but care about what the other wants. 

Remember:  You two are not going through some kind of crisis.  Not every idea needs to be brand new and adventurous.  Some more routine events can still be sweet and fun. 

You've made it this far, and there is no reason not to keep finding new joys together.  Also, remember that just spending time together and talking is still something shared together.  I hope this activity helps! 



EDIT:  After answering a friend's question, we found that lists can also help with another kind of relationship- the one you have with yourself.  

Lists! 
-A list of things you've done (which often requires a friend to remind of some)
-A list of things you currently do (fun or "successes")
-A list of things you WANT to do or learn. 
 ---Next, you write up what can be done right now, and you pick one. 
 Then you do that thing. 
 It doesn't have to be anything big, but crossing things off a list can feel very good and helps you see what you can do.  Making the lists to begin with can help reorganize your thoughts and see what you might be interested in doing. 



Have a question?  I'll answer anything, art related or not! 
Send one under a name or anonymously at http://rowyngolde.tumblr.com/ask
Or send an email to Deddrie@gmail.com

Yet Another Post About Poop

My cat. OH MY GOD.
She just got in the arching "Imma shit now" position, I yelled at her, MOVED HER WITH MY FOOT

and she shat anyway.

 "You see me trollin'…"


This cat gives NO SHITS except for the literal kind.

*Poop*


Okay, her's is really not that... Like that, but this is more graphically interesting to draw.



I wish I had the balls this freaking cat does. My god.
Next time I get rejected by a man who has been flirting for months, that's it. I'm just gonna shit right there.

 "Yeah... You were like, third and a half choice."

Drop trow and just shit right in front of him, possibly on his feet.

Get a crap grade in a class? 

CRAP IN YOUR CLASS.

Oh, drama happening with friends or family?

Disarm the situation by shitting right there on the rug!  Or even on the furniture! 

…


Fuck you, cat.