The Stress Snowball

I am very familiar with the Stress Snowball. 

You see, it starts off small. 
It's so small, that I ignore how cold it is. 



I even ignore the rock in the middle of it, which makes it dangerous, but I'll get to that later.

I ignore the snowball, thinking that I can handle it. 

…

I'm wrong. 

Eventually, I drop the snowball and it starts to roll around. 

It picks up other stress inducing things.

This happens because I didn't take care of the small things, and now I'm too stressed to deal with the bigger things…

It picks up pretty much everything, from school stuff, to work stuff, to even other people who were just there to help.
 

This can get overwhelming to the point where I just don't want to do ANYTHING and so the ball continues to grow. 

 


When it gets this bad, we are tempted to dive in and get to the source immediately, but sometimes that gets us stuck in the ball. 

Instead, take a moment to take a closer look.
 

In general, if you can peel off some easy tasks and stresses first, just little ones from the top, you can start to get some layers of snow off of your stress snowball.
 


Keep at it, and before long, your stress snowball will start to shrink to a more manageable size.
 

More layers removed, and you'll get to the rocky middle. 

The stress which started it all.


The stress I thought I could handle, whatever it may be. 

The stress I didn't realize was so heavy. 

For me, it looks like this:
 

This center of stress is generally just a failure to keep up with the tasks of taking care of myself, along with everything else.

I have learned to keep this center of stress happy with tea and comic-books.  

It is often tough to find time for this though, so to-do lists come in handy. 

I treat taking care of myself just like any other task.  

This is the key to avoiding the stress snowball. 

Do I still fail to do this on occasion?  
Of course.  

I'm actually a little worried about this coming semester, since it's my last.  

Here's hoping I remember this post! 

New Year Post! And How To Keep Your Resolutions.

2013?  
I moved a bazillion times, applied to internships, took my five hour and actively started practicing driving, took huge steps in getting back to eating right, got back up to 100 pounds, started dating my Knight, finished the first chapter of Oh Hell, Donna!, participated in the Shuffle comic, almost finished my MA, met a chunk of Rob's family, went to a bunch of museums and movies, Rob got my portfolio site up (www.rowyngolde.com), made a lot of stuff, remade some old connections, attempted to assist friends with wedding plans, wrote stuff, drew stuff, attended conventions, sold stuff...  started re-learning guitar...  I feel like other things happened.  ...That's all I can think of. 

For 2014, I wrote up a giant to-do list by month.  
The things anyone reading this might care about mostly involve getting my driver's license, finishing my MA (with starting my internship), getting Deddrie back online, and posting Oh Hell, Donna! one page at a time.  
Eventually, Donna will be available for purchase as a book.  
Moth will also be published hopefully within 2014.  
*crosses fingers*  
I also plan on working out a bit more, practicing guitar a bit more and possibly learning a little more Japanese.  

You might be wondering how I intend to do the things I'm saying.  
Well, I have a plan. 


How to Keep Your New Years Resolutions

Make a list:  

Write down everything you want to change or accomplish this year.  
Then cut that down to reasonable things.  
For example, “eat healthy” might be a bit better than, “marry that movie star.”  



Detail that list: 

Having things like “Go to the gym more often” wind up meaningless really fast because they are vague and therefore make it easy to come up with excuses to avoid.  

Instead, write things like, “Go to the gym X amount of hours, X amount of days a week…” and write exactly what you plan to work on while there.  

You can even go to someone who works at the gym the first day and ask what kinds of exercises and machines you should do to achieve your goal. 


This process works for pretty much any goal, not just working out! 

Mini goals: 

Having mini goals along the way can help you remember that you are making progress, which will help your desire to continue.  
Mini goals also give you something to build on in order to get to another level or step of your ultimate goal. 



Do you wanna?

Make sure you actually WANT to do the things on this list, or that they will make you healthier, or better your life in some way.  

Sometimes, we say we’ll do things just because other people want us to do them.  
This makes it less likely to actually stick to it, for obvious reasons.  

That being said, if something is on your list because a friend is doing it also and wants a buddy, you should probably stick to it.    


All else fails?  
If you can find an excuse to quit, you can find an excuse to continue.  
Make up a reason why it would benefit you to stick with the resolution, even if it is just a sense of pride and bragging rights.
Along those lines, if you don't really want to eat more healthy or keep track of something else medical but your doctor tells you to do so...  You might want to just suck it up and try it anyway.  
Who knows?  
Your doctor might be right and you might start to feel awesome. 

Have a buddy:  

It isn’t necessary, but having someone else hold you accountable and having the drive to stick to it too will benefit you both.  
(This can be in person or online.) 



Remember: 

If you find that it isn’t working out, you can change something about your routine.


Ask around and see how other people achieved similar goals. 

Form a habit!

Like brushing your teeth, if you do something every day, eventually you’ll do it without even thinking about it.  



Do research:  

This works for above examples, as well pretty much everything else in life.  

Want to learn a new skill?  Find a teacher or online tutorials.  

What does it take?  What supplies will you need?  

Start small though.  
Getting too involved too fast may cost you a lot of money for something you might wind up not actually enjoying.
You can always build up on supplies once you know that you want to continue. 



Help is good! 

In some cases, you may want to go to your doctor to see what the healthiest way is to achieve your goals.  

Do this especially if your goal involves ANY kind of diet or exercise plan.  



In other cases, you may want to find and go to a counselor or a psychologist if your goal involves facing a long standing fear or even attending to social problems.  

It doesn’t have to be something huge in order to seek professional help.  



In fact, asking for some kind of help is always recommended, no matter what your goals may be.  



Write down your progress:

On a calendar, or even sticky notes, write down every single time you accomplish a part of your goal.  
Even a tiny accomplishment. 

Say how many hours you did it, or what mini goal you met.  


If you organize your main goal, mini goals, and steps to get there by date on the calendar to begin with, this will be easy to see.  



Remember!!!

You can always add goals throughout the year.  

Every day is a new day, so we don’t have to wait for the next year to make goals.


Woo!

EYES ON ALL THINGS

I'm alone in the house all day.  I try my best to keep up with dishes and putting away laundry and all that stuff...  I do commissions and I write and I complain about how things will be when I'm adding homework and papers to that list of stuff to do.

However, every now and then, I find myself feeling ill or I temporarily run out of shit to do.

And then I get bored.

Oh

Oh so bored.

And then the duct tape comes out.  

The "eyes" are ping pong balls sliced in half.  I've done this a thousand times, the most notable of them being the one I did here. 

So now the apartment has been invaded by trashcans which look at choo all da time.  

 LOOKIN AT CHOO


The "mouth" is the top of the trash bin.  That way you can feed the monster.  Sometimes I add teeth to the inside.  

Also, this means that when you knock over your can and the tissues or whatever fall out, it looks like the bin is vomiting.  JOY!

Standing up: 

I had done more complex monster bins before, including one that got complicated enough that I didn't want to use it for garbage anymore:

Now he holds umbrellas, so he's still useful.  

 "Bleh!" 


ANYHOO

I did it to the kitchen one too:  

Each had different colored eyes:  

The bathroom one was the only trash bin to need a different color duct tape: 

*sings*  Too much time on my haaandsss!

Lovey Dovey, Except That I'm A Loon

Now, it's true that in past "relationships" I've been known to blame things on myself that were not my fault (See: Every single post about a year ago and that whole year prior) and I often forgave people who probably should have just been cut right out of my life.  

And then I came back home. 

These days, I'm fully aware that I deserve better, and I've watched myself move past a fairly fucked up set of trauma symptoms.  

Don't get me wrong here, I still have some and I will always have some things to work through, with and around.  
That does not mean that I cannot live my life the way I want to live it.

I've also become a little paranoid, assuming that I must always be wrong about people and no longer trusting myself.  I'm working with that.  
The fact that I'm actually pretty content (besides not seeing most of my friends NEARLY enough) means that I'm somehow more afraid.  

Having stuff to lose is scary for me. 

And then there is Rob.  

My other housemate is also endlessly sweet (and single, ladies!) but for some reason his sweetness doesn't freak me out besides making me feel like I should be baking him cakes or something.  I don't know.

But Rob...  He freaks me out.  
He thinks I'm pretty in the morning: 

And he makes sure that I actually eat: 

He is TOO nice to me and kind and open and I have trouble believing that I deserve that.  

I spent so much time getting settled in the idea that I was being treated poorly for a reason, that it is now hard to feel anything else.  

When I'm crying for no reason or having a panic attack or whatever comes with being me these days, he is calm and comforting and supportive.  

Sometimes, I wonder if he really understands what is happening: 

He actually, openly wants to spend time with me.  
He doesn't want to hide me away as some embarrassment like so many other people have in my life.  
He doesn't call me crazy, and does not let me call myself crazy, even when I'm doing incredibly crazy things.  

That being said, he is also really excited to see me, all the time, beyond what might be normal.  
This works, because he and I are both pretty clingy with each other, and we both know to give each other space when needed.  

On days where, with anyone else, I would have just hidden away and hope I survived, he texts me when he can't be there...

 ...and holds my hand when he can.  

I am not yet used to that. 

I'm sure it makes everyone around us ill, but I'm too thankful to hold it back. 

It's only four months in, and we've seen each other every day.  I'm sure this will wear off eventually.   

Right?  

...Or, we'll be like my parents, and that would be nice too. 

Unsolicited Advice From Rowyn on Where to Put Your Stuff

I had noticed this a long time ago, but I had never thought to smoosh the solution to my own problem with those of ring-wearing people, or other small bits people have on their bodies most of the time.

In my head, the rings I wear are purely functional splints, but they really are decorative rings too.  They ALSO brace my fingers for me, sure.  That doesn't change the fact that they aren't actually permanently fixed to my hands. 


They aren't some cybernetic attachment, as much as I treat them as such. 

 
That being said, I still FLIP OUT when one comes flying off or gets caught on something and gets pulled off. 

This is A: because my fingers really are very uncomfortable without them,
B: because I'm so used to them, so it's just jarring to remember that they CAN be removed and
C: They were really expensive. 

So, early on when I didn't know if I was going to wear them all the time, I went looking for a container to house them so they didn't just roll away or be stolen by goblins while I slept.

Eventually I found a cheap but cute contact lens case:

 
Now, I've seen people *coughMOMcough* who have rings they'd wear all the time but sometimes need to take off, yet have no place in their purse or wallet or jacket to keep them.  I've seen plastic baggies where some rings can get bent anyway or just thrown into purses to be lost or damaged. 

I'm guilty of that last one with earrings, I'll admit.

Using a small container, be it a lens case or not, is really a nice idea.  It doesn't take up too much space and then it's there if you need it.  I've seen little inch or so tall jars for travel purposes that would do the same thing.

The lens case was just handy for me because I have two hands and each has a set of rings.  This way, I can separate them between right and left.

Because I typically wear them as much as humanly possible, this particular case gets used for my "spare."  …I put spare in quotes here because it only became so when I lost it as I slept, questioning if I had somehow gone to the bathroom and flushed it in the middle of the night.  I found it long after I had reordered one.  It was hidden under my dresser and found when I moved.  

It's the farthest joint ring which FLIES OFF more than anything else, so I don't know that other people really have this issue.  Most rings sit much closer to the hand, and most rings are not worn at night anyway. 

For these rings, this is a handy tool for by the bed or on a desk or wherever you generally keep things you don't want to lose, while not shoving them into a jewelry box with all the everything else's ever.  

That being said, I don't know that any sane person should take advice from me about organization and not losing shit.

I am not the neatest person when it comes to my work space, until I get too fed up and clean until the walls bleed.  However, I like containers. 

An animal skull Xena got for me that I think was meant to be a paperweight or just art became a thing to hold papers on my desk:

Another skull which I bought from Claire's or someplace a thousand years ago was a cell phone holder.  It does not hold a smart phone in any possible way, so now it holds wipes for glasses or sometimes business cards.  Really, it would be great for anything small, like paper clips or safety pins... whatever: 

 
A mug that I don't want to use for drinking became a holder for pens, pencils, a voodoo doll and Satan:

A "critter bath" from a pet store holds whatever I damn well please because it's freaking adorable and shut up: 

I also have a lobster on my desk:  

…


I have no excuse for the lobster.