PA Comic Con!

We've been making our rounds this year for conventions, and in a couple of weeks, Team Manticore (Bad Grey Matter and Tight Rope Noose) will be at THIS one!  

Table V12!

Come see me!  

I'll have prints, cats, NEW prints of Donna stuff, some pins, earrings...  STUFF.  

Show me some love!

Lovey Dovey, Except That I'm A Loon

Now, it's true that in past "relationships" I've been known to blame things on myself that were not my fault (See: Every single post about a year ago and that whole year prior) and I often forgave people who probably should have just been cut right out of my life.  

And then I came back home. 

These days, I'm fully aware that I deserve better, and I've watched myself move past a fairly fucked up set of trauma symptoms.  

Don't get me wrong here, I still have some and I will always have some things to work through, with and around.  
That does not mean that I cannot live my life the way I want to live it.

I've also become a little paranoid, assuming that I must always be wrong about people and no longer trusting myself.  I'm working with that.  
The fact that I'm actually pretty content (besides not seeing most of my friends NEARLY enough) means that I'm somehow more afraid.  

Having stuff to lose is scary for me. 

And then there is Rob.  

My other housemate is also endlessly sweet (and single, ladies!) but for some reason his sweetness doesn't freak me out besides making me feel like I should be baking him cakes or something.  I don't know.

But Rob...  He freaks me out.  
He thinks I'm pretty in the morning: 

And he makes sure that I actually eat: 

He is TOO nice to me and kind and open and I have trouble believing that I deserve that.  

I spent so much time getting settled in the idea that I was being treated poorly for a reason, that it is now hard to feel anything else.  

When I'm crying for no reason or having a panic attack or whatever comes with being me these days, he is calm and comforting and supportive.  

Sometimes, I wonder if he really understands what is happening: 

He actually, openly wants to spend time with me.  
He doesn't want to hide me away as some embarrassment like so many other people have in my life.  
He doesn't call me crazy, and does not let me call myself crazy, even when I'm doing incredibly crazy things.  

That being said, he is also really excited to see me, all the time, beyond what might be normal.  
This works, because he and I are both pretty clingy with each other, and we both know to give each other space when needed.  

On days where, with anyone else, I would have just hidden away and hope I survived, he texts me when he can't be there...

 ...and holds my hand when he can.  

I am not yet used to that. 

I'm sure it makes everyone around us ill, but I'm too thankful to hold it back. 

It's only four months in, and we've seen each other every day.  I'm sure this will wear off eventually.   

Right?  

...Or, we'll be like my parents, and that would be nice too. 

Knight in Pinstripes

I find myself dating someone who "gets it" and this is unique for me.
I'd mentioned him briefly in my last post.  We've been officially dating for a little over three weeks now.  We've known each other longer than that and we've known of each other much longer than that still.

It's been a while since a post because everything is so busy.  Cons, conferences, presentations…  And my knight. 
He doesn't stifle my creativity though.  Not at all.  He is my partner and a friend as well as a romantic interest.

…

Of course, I'm terrified. 
And then I am incredibly calm and everything is natural…
and then I'm terrified because I'm calm.
And thankfully, he is patient.  He is actually patient and kind.

I often want to bond with the wrong people, so I'm thankful that my Knight is actually a nice guy, while also having a brain in his head. 

This is what he looks like in my mind, and I think he looks this way to himself as well:

See, if you've been paying attention to this blog, you know a little about my not-really-love life over the past few years.  This had left me paranoid and afraid to let go.

My Knight just accepts this without question, which makes me let my guard down more easily. 
It's refreshing.

Generally, my intersections with people… 
Well, here is an example:

Today's youth. 
Keep in mind, I was actively drawing when Pant-ception showed up in my peripheral vision. 

"Do you draw?" He asked.
"What?" I responded, unsure if he was speaking to me.
"Sorry.  ….Do you draw?" He asked again.
"Uhhh…"  I looked at my drawing, trying to figure out what I had missed.  "Yes.  Yes I do draw."
"Cool," he said, "I draw too."
I put my pencil down, eager to be an inspiration to today's youth.  "Yeah?" I said, "What do you like to draw?"
He mumbled out, "People. … graffiti.  Lots of stuff."  He said nothing else.  I waited, but that was it.
"…" I blinked.  "That works."
That was the end of it.  This was oddly a typical conversation between strangers and myself. 

But my Knight is different. He is a fan of my work just as I am of his.  He is on my level in every way.  Well, he is more energetic than I am, and that is for the best.

That was all too sappy, so to end, El Chupacockbra: