Friday, July 6, 2012

Laundry Day Is A Very Dangerous Day

And really any day in this household is a chaotic mess.  ...They mean well.

Living at home again is very odd on several levels, beyond being something I hoped would never happen.  I'm in my mid twenties, so I'm very content with the idea of at least pretending to be a real adult type person, but these are strange times in our economy, as well as in my life.
I forgot about the dangers of doing laundry here, for example.
Going down the basement steps with a hamper:

Spiders in the basement:

Also, the dangers of a bored out of her mind cat.  This is a very pretty cat:

She is an indoor cat, and lived with dogs and another indoor cat who was de-clawed, but she was never de-clawed herself.  She was also raised by a dog, for the most part.  These each come with their own special problems.
Mainly though, her playfulness causes a lot of danger.  If you've ever seen "Simon's Cat," you'll quickly get the idea.

Pain when feeling playful and one is not wearing shoes:

Face planting on stairs when she feels like playing at bottom and you are going up:

Face planting with everything broken when she feels like playing at the top of the stairs:

Lately, she has also started trolling my family.
We've decided this is all because she doesn't get enough attention.
By “we” I mean my family has been watching cat shows on television too much.  The vet said she's healthy, so yeah... this shouldn't be happening.
She'll use the litter box, but still shit wherever she damn well pleases. 
She'll shit by the computer, by my parent's bed...  Every goddamn place. 

She also has an issue with my sister's dog.  This, I find understandable.  The dog looks like a failed muppet.
It's like something Jim Henson shat out on an off day and went “Ew.  That'll never work on Fraggle Rock.  Better put the sad little pathetic thing up for adoption before Gonzo accidentally blows it up or something.”

To clarify, this is a “hairless Chinese Crested” and it's the same breed as the dog once voted ugliest dog in the world.  That particular dog was more like what my sister's would be after reading the Necronomicon, but as this particular “dog” ages, it's getting close to that anyway. 

Still, she's a smart stupid little thing.  Smart because she is very manipulative for a dog.  Stupid because we, as a family, aren't great at training things.

I'm amazed that I can take a shit by myself.  ...Though I learned by getting a treat of M&Ms every time I did it.  ...That says something.

So, while the dog adds a creepy factor (and likes to go for my kneecaps when I enter the house) and the cat is sharp... there are also the other things in the house.  We have a turtle who my parents desperately wish to get rid of (it lead to the death of the other turtle), a snake that is so freaking lazy that it doesn't even want us to try to pretend the food is alive anymore, and bugs.  Some bugs, like my sister's pet hissing cockroaches, are on purpose:

Some are not. 

Seriously.  So many freaking spiders.  I honestly don't mind spiders, until there are tens of thousands of them in my face.

They have hammocks now.  It's like a freaking spider hotel.

I mind silverfish a lot less now than I used to, but I think it's because I looked them up and took the time to learn about what they really do.  Cockroaches are neat to me now too.  ...Spiders just get worse the more I know about them.

EDIT: The actual web-hammock:

I had also forgotten about the kind of non-sequiturs you hear in this house.  Things like “It's on fire again” and “I didn't know if it was poison ivy, so I touched it just in case” or even “Dad, I'm trying to learn how to wire a cat's jaw shut!”  ...Most of these are from my older sister.  The fire related ones tend to be my father.  Either way, the fuck. 

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