Tuesday, February 25, 2014
The Hubcap Massacre
Yesterday was a scary driving day.
I still didn't do any of the things I assumed I was going to do by now…
Like hit a bird,
or get smashed by a deer,
or destroy a mailbox,
and I haven't even knocked a side-view mirror off yet!
However, it IS Winter,
and the roads look like a giant infant took a hammer to them.
My father had trouble with a few potholes recently, so you'd think I would have seen this coming.
Mom, after the fact, said she saw it… but we're going to ignore how that would have been nice to mention BEFORE I hit it. Mom.
So, I whacked a giant hole in the ground and while it sounded scary, most of the road had sounded scary, so I didn't think much of it.
There were also so many potholes, some of which stretched across the whole area, so it was difficult to avoid them.
Usually I'm the only one making horrible noises while I drive, but this time Mom chimed in.
You know that noise Lucile Ball makes on I Love Lucy?
It was like that.
Still, not nearly as bad as the noises my father makes as soon as I get behind the wheel at all.
Seriously, I could be parked and he'll still hit the imaginary brake on his side.
Anyway, I didn't know anything was horribly wrong until I went into a "lane" over on the side, thinking a car in front of me was in a turning lane, rather than, you know, parked.
Then another car came up next to me in the correct lane.
I figured I was trapped and Mom and I would have to eat parts of the car to survive until we were rescued from my stupidity.
The man in the other car honked, which I assumed was an angry honk.
It was not.
I rolled down the window and he mentioned that our hubcap (read: Mom's hubcap that I slammed off of her poor car) was by the town hall, in a snow bank.
Thank you, Stranger-Man.
I had this weird swell of embarrassment from having been driving around with only three hubcaps.
I pictured getting laughed at by more fashionable drivers.
Because Mom mentioned that I need to be careful with the next potholes so as not to damage the tire, my severe lack of car-knowledge showed.
I was under the assumption that the hubcap was usually bolted on, keeping the tire in place.
I imagined the tire now flying off without it's metal seat belt, and me going to some kind of car-jail for committing tire manslaughter.
Anyway, Mom found the hubcap after wandering around a bit.
This brings up a few questions.
Did it fly off of the car into the snowbank?
Did the kindly neighbors take the time to get out of their car to pick it off of the road and leave it where we could find it?
Did they follow us that whole way to tell us, or was it by chance that they happened to see a car missing a hubcap later on and fill in the blanks?
Either way, Mom and I weren't entirely positive we could put it back on right then and there, so she just plopped it in the car.
I was still a little shaken by "OH MY FUCK I BROKE YOUR CAR I'M SO SORRY" so I asked her to do the driving until our next errand was done.
I've been calling that my first accident just because I want that part of my life to be over with and it didn't involve anyone else being damaged.
Let me think this.